‘Laura Loses It’ Facebook Page

26Dec09

It’s heeere! If you’re on Facebook – become a fan

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Laura-Loses-It/223702604452?v=wall#/pages/Laura-Loses-It/223702604452?ref=mf

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Tags: Facebook

Trial Run, Day 1

26Dec09

I don’t officially begin until Monday, but I’m trying to get myself into the rhythm of the eating plan since I pretty much have the walking down. I’ve already been walking 5 miles per day whether I feel like it or not for the past week after working out sporadically for the past month or so.

As for the eating plan, all was going well until my Husband, God love him, brought me a Mocha (Nonfat and with Half Chocolate and 2 extra shots just how I like it – but still) and Sandwich from Starbucks on his way home from getting the Snow Tires put on our car this morning. I got him to eat the sandwich and ended up having the Mocha with Lunch – it was delicious!

This is not a Mocha, all the Mocha pictures had Whipped Cream - I don't believe Whipped Cream and Coffee belong together

Other than that, I’ve had no problem sticking to the eating plan parameters, though I had to fudge a few of the times I ate (eating lunch at 12 instead of 1, for instance). I guess my body needs some time to adjust to eating so often. Also, I usually don’t get hungry till 11 or so, so making myself eat as soon as I got up felt odd. I’ve heard it’s better to do your major eating earlier in the day, so it’s a worthwhile habit for me to cultivate.

Breakfast of Champions!

I didn’t do any Strength Training today (I’m saving that for Monday), but I did walk my 5 miles. I’m not sure why, but I felt more energetic while working out – perhaps it was all those extra meals! One of the pitfalls of working out at home, though, is that I’m not as careful about wearing shoes as I should be. I think that walking 5 miles per day – even if it’s mostly walking in place – requires sneakers. I will try to be better about that going forward.

My New Motto - "If I love my knees, I will use these"

Other than that, things are going well. I’ll try to get the Laura Loses It Facebook Page up tomorrow. I wanted to take some Before Pics to post before I published the page, but I was too busy writing today so I’ll take some first thing tomorrow. Also, I want to thank those of you who have offered me encouragement – I really appreciate it and thank you all from the bottom of my heart!

Thanks a bunch!!!

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Tags: Walking, Fitness, Laura Loses It, Diet, Eating Plan, Success, Encouragement, Thanks, Strength Training, Workout

Laura Loses It!

26Dec09

In prepping for the 2010 by clearing out my home and schedule of excess (See Out With the Old, In With the New) I made the most cliche New Years Resolution possible - I want to lose weight.

Since the birth of my 2nd child – who is now 7 – I’ve carried an excess 30 or so lbs and life and my health got in the way of losing it, so it stuck around. Since I’ve finally resolved my health issues and de-stressed my life – I now have the time, will, and resources to move forward with weight loss.

Harley's the man!

The program I’ll be using is Harley Pasternack’s 5 Factor Fitness.  It’s simple, sustainable, and non-insane, which is always a plus. Ironically, it’s a book I’ve had for years, but it always sounded too simple to work – so I never bothered trying it. I’d purchased the book in the midst of the low-carb craze and, after reading it, I decided that more suffering was in order than Harley was proposing. I was wrong, of course.

In prep for all this – I’ve been walking for a few weeks and I’ve even attempted some of his recipes that appealed to me – which are amazing and about the only thing I’ve cooked recently that hasn’t set off the smoke detector – so yay!

Following is a breakdown of the steps I’m taking…

*25 minutes Strength Training 5 days per week

Much less embarrassing than the Thigh-master collecting dust in your Attic

‘m doing Harley’s Strength Training – he has all the exercises in the book, but I do better with visual prompts, so I ordered the DVD’s after checking them out on my On Demand. The only equipment that’s needed is Hand Weights and a Bench (I don’t have a bench, I just use my bed). The workouts consist of basically 3 sets of 3 strength exercises and some cardio – and again, it sounds simple, but it’s definitely not easy! It’s only about a 25 minute workout, but wow it packs a punch!

*5 Miles Walking 5-7 Days Per Week

Why is she so darned happy?!?

Yeah I know – the number 5 again. This step isn’t actually on Harley’s plan (though he does recommend some cardio) – It’s just that every time I’ve ever lost weight in the past it’s been with walking. I do the Leslie Sansone 5 mile DVD (I tried 3 miles, but it wasn’t enough for me). Leslie’s a bit peppy – but that’s why God created the Mute button. I do make sure I keep good form though – whether I can hear her telling me to or not.

*5 Meals Per Day

Looks fancy, but is actually simple and delicious!

I’m eating 5 Meals (3 meals, 2 snacks) – each containing Quality Protein, Quality Carbs/Fiber, Good Fats and had with a No-Low Calorie beverage. These meals are to be spread throughout the day at intervals – Harley Recommends 7,10,1,4, and 7 as the hours to eat – but it really depends on what your life is like. Remembering to eat that often is probably going to be the biggest challenge for me.

The recipes I’ve tried are all good, and the ingredients are pretty simple. Also, if something didn’t sound good – the basics were there and I could easily tailor the recipes to my needs. The amazing part though? I made a super healthy Chili that I loooved – and my family ate it!

Since I own a scale, but not a tape measure (well, I did before, but then my boys got their hands on it) I’ll be using my jeans to track my progress until I get a new one. I’m not going to tell you what I weigh now, because what woman would? But I will tell you the amount I’ve lost (or *cringe* gained) as I go. Since my day 1 is Monday, weight-ins will be on Sundays.

So, there it is – the steps I’m beginning, or have already begun taking in order to live a better life. I don’t have a time limit or a specific weight loss goal (thrilling, I know) – My goals are more tailored to maintaining and continuing healthy habits. I’m sure I will eventually have loftier goals, but if I begin by focusing on the steps, the results will follow.

I officially begin Monday, though I’m already walking daily and attempting the food program just in case there are any kinks to work out. Also, for any of you who want to keep track of my progress, just click the ‘Become A Cool Kid!’ button in the upper right hand corner and my blogs’ll be delivered right to your Inbox! I’m also working on a Facebook Fan Page that I’ll be launching soon

Here’s to being Happy and Healthy in 2010!!!

Filed under: Entertainment, Laura Loses It, Personal   |  2 Comments
Tags: goals, Walking, Resolutions, Fitness, Harley Pasternak, Leslie Sansone, Weight Loss, Hand Weights, New Year

Out With the Old, In With the New

20Dec09

For the past few weeks, my husband and I have been diligently organizing our house to make it more functional and beautiful. And now, after countless trips to the trash, recycling, and Goodwill – our house is looking like a home. All that’s left now is some detail work and a trip to the post office to send off all the things we’ve promised to send to family members.

The line above is nothing compared to the Post Office the week of Christmas!

What’s the reason for all this moving and changing, you may ask? I think we’ve both just gotten to the point that we’re ready to put this year behind us and move forward with our lives. So much has happened this year I am at a loss even to list it all, but I will try…

This was Angel after a GOOD day!!!

In the beginning of the year, Angel had a commute out to Denver and was working 90+ hours per week, then he was transferred out to Houston and was there for over a month with a craaazy company, then training in New Mexico with his current company (which, thankfully, enabled us all to have a badly needed family vacation there over the summer). In between all that, we moved!

Vacation here we come!!!

Even last month was insane for us – our back car window blew out from the extreme cold temps (that and they just don’t make ‘em like they used to!), that and we found out squirrels or mice had been chewing on our spark plug wires, so they had to be replaced. The boys ended up needing glasses and dental work, and now we’re getting our youngest tested because we strongly suspect that he has Aspergers Syndrome - a mild form of Autism. Also, we sold our second car because Angel had a company car. So, when came back from Houston – we only had one car – I’ve had to do a ton of driving this year! Angel to work, the boys to school, plus all the volunteering I was doing! On top of that – heavy snowfall began in August here on CO! I used to think I was fine driving in snow until I moved here – they actually plow the roads in New England! Ugh, even writing all that made me tired.

Sure, now it's my Spark Plugs - next, it's taking over the World!!!

Fortunately, life has changed dramatically in the past few weeks. Angel’s finally beginning to see the rewards of working for such an incredible company (rewards that enabled us to buy a new couch!), and the boys have transferred to a closer school that’s in the same district as the last. The best part about these changes is that I don’t need to drive anymore! Angel drives himself into work, and I only need to walk a few yards to drop off and pick up the boys at the bus stop. We’ve also opted to have a smaller Christmas – where the boys got everything they wanted, but Angel and I have scaled back so we could get the big things our family needed.

We have this...

...so we can have this.

But, hey - at least it's better than this!

We’ve also made some family resolutions for next year. For instance, since we all have so much extra time on our hands – we’re going to cut back on fast food and have Family Dinners at home instead (MUCH easier now that we’re not driving so much!). Also, Angel and I want to go out on a date at least once per month – We even have a babysitter now! We’d also like to become solvent and make better choices for our family all around.

Date night at last! Though I'm not sure where we'll find an ocean in the middle of the Rockies...

As a result of these changes, all of our lives are happier and more simple. I think a lot of the problems that caused the recession we’re all dealing with now had to do with people wanting things over relationships. It had become more important to impress your neighbor than be solvent. Hopefully American’s will learn from this whole recession mess – quality of life over quantity of things. I know that’s the ultimate goal for all of the changes my family is making – to live a better quality life. Speaking of which, I’m going to leave off writing now and go enjoy my family!

I wish you all Happy Holidays in case I don’t blog again before then!!!

I hope your Holidays are much happier than this Cat seems to be!

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Tags: Goodwill, Holidays, Quality, Recession, Resolutions

These Days…

24Nov09

I woke up today after not very much sleep. So little sleep, in fact, that even after a major coffee boost I am still groggy. I know I talk about sleep deprivation a lot (one of the reasons my blog was once named Musings of a Chronic Insomniac). In fact, I changed the name so I wouldn’t talk about how tired I was quite so much – hmm…doesn’t seem to be working so far, but I’m hopeful.

It just wouldn't be Thanksgiving without Yams.

Anyway, I hope you all are well as you go about planning and prepping for your holidays. In an unusually proactive move, we’ve purchased all of our Thanksgiving accoutrement already. I’m pretty psyched that we won’t be scrambling to the store last minute and having to fight over the last can of yams or some such nonsense. And I’m looking forward to a peaceful Holiday as a result – that and the Elf marathon, of course.

"I love smiling, smiling's my favorite!"

As I’ve had so much time on my hands this Thanksgiving break – I’ve been contemplating the next steps in my life. Creatively I’m ready to do more, I’m hoping to produce blogs and writing pages more regularly, and I’m planning on making better use of the time I have by channeling both my happiness and angst into creative projects. I definitely want to re-attempt sketching as well; though I’ll have to reclaim my sketch pencils from the boys first.

I need my pencils back!

My writing’s taken an unexpected turn these past months – I sat down to write a fiction drama about the affects of the War on Soldiers and their families. As I have firsthand experience, and since I’ve always heard I should write what I know, I thought it would be a piece of cake. However, when I sat down to write – out came a book about my experience working at the mall – a comedy of course. So, I’m working on that and I hope the other book will be ready to be written once this project is done. But, only time will tell.

I sat down to write this...

...but ended up with this.

I’d also like to incorporate nature back into my life. Taking a walk for me is as relaxing as people say yoga is. Of course, I’m making this declaration in the middle of a Colorado winter – so I’d probably need to get some harsh weather gear and snow boots in order to begin now.

Does this look relaxing to you???

I’m hoping that adding these small things as well as keeping up with what I’m already doing will aid in my growth and abilities as a writer and possibly artist, though I see art as more of a hobby. The ultimate goal is to write something I consider worthy for publishing, so we’ll see how that goes.

But for now, I need to go – a strange chirping beep is coming from the other room and I’m going to go check it out…

Filed under: Entertainment, Fun, Personal   |  2 Comments
Tags: Buddy the Elf, creativity, pencils, Thanksgiving, Walking, Yams, Yoga

Superman’s Dead…

24Nov09

Sorry I haven’t been blogging lately. I’ve been ridiculously busy and the only reason I’m writing today is that I’ve been curled up under covers sick for a week. I’ve also been working on some other projects that have taken precedence and I am just now finally able to carve out space for blogging.  I’m not sure why it’s taken so long, but I’m happy to be back.

Sick Time = TV Time

As for the subject matter – I’ve been asked by a friend of mine to write a blog about the depression that happens after a breakup. And while I haven’t dealt with a breakup in quite some time, I have been dealing with some serious trauma and heartbreak for the past year or so, so I’ll write about how I’ve handled that.

Here goes…

It’s been just over a year, since my sons and I moved back to Colorado from New Hampshire to get away from a dangerous and truly insane situation. And, though I’m not going to go into detail - It was one of those worst-case scenarios where we were in incredibly volatile circumstances with no one to turn to, and I never want to experience anything like it again. My children and I shouldn’t have had to go through that.

Garden of the Gods, CO

When we first got back to Colorado I was dazed from what I’d been through and still hoping for justice – and it just so happened that I was able to chat with a NH police officer. And when I told him my situation (he’d already seen some of the proof of my story) – he could immediately see that what had happened to me was wrong and should be rectified. He offered his help and I was thrilled…until I shared this exciting news with family members and discovered that anyone who could corroborate my story was refusing, feigning amnesia, or both. Any hopes I had for justice were dashed. Here I was, having done nothing wrong – yet me and mine were the only ones who suffered from the outcome. I’ve never in my life understood why people would willingly believe and support lies – especially in the face of truth and logic – but it chills me to the bone whenever I see it. Never underestimate the power of perception over reality.

Facing problems sucks. It'd be much easier if this guy would fly around and fix them for us!

That’s really the part about the whole thing that makes me sick to this day – that all the ‘bad guys’ got away. I mean, in principle the bad guys never get away – they have to live with themselves and their hearts. But after going through what we went through – this knowledge is of little comfort. Either way, my sons and I are the car crash victims – so to speak – we were broken by someone else, but we’re the ones who have to live with the fallout. I am the one who has had to deal with my sons and my healing, whether restitution is ever paid or not.

Killer Bunnies - Guaranteed to keep the Boogeyman away!

Anyway, back to how I dealt with the heartbreak – at first I think I went into shock. It seemed to me like all that I’d believed about the Universe had been proven untrue and I didn’t know what to do next, so I shut almost everyone out and I coped. I wrote my heart out on paper, using my notebook in the absence of a compassionate witness; I ran the dishwasher or did laundry for those comforting, womb-like whooshes; read books to escape into other worlds – worlds where the good guys win and the bad guys are punished; Clutched my stuffed bunny at night to guard against my nightmares – whether I remembered them in the morning or not. I can always tell the intensity of my dreams by the gashes my fingernails leave. I was waking up most mornings scratched-up and bleeding (Thankfully, those mornings are becoming fewer and far between as time goes on).  But, most of all, I comforted my children – giving them all the consolation and assurance that I could muster.

I’ve always found in every ‘car crash’ of my life that always facing the pain, digging deep, and moving forward – even if only in infinitesimal increments – is the only way to heal and move past any life pain or trauma. Leaning into the fire is the only way to truly heal. It feels endless when you’re going through it – but over time the pain lessens. And, I can attest to this. Since the exodus from New Hampshire, life has regained a normality that I couldn’t have possible predicted. My boys are thriving, and as for me – I’m beginning to hope and plan again.

My creative drive is returning. I feel that my ideas and creations that have been just beneath the surface are finally ready to be realized.  My heroes are culled from books, and movies. My inspiration from any real life success I come across in my travels – Success, of course, being measured in authenticity. My hope comes from varying and unexpected places – Dreams, the good ones, that are kind enough to linger; a word of encouragement; and a thousand other things throughout the day signaling to me that I’m on my path – whether I feel I’m holding steady, failing, or making progress. These affirmations from the Universe give me the strength that I need from moment to moment as I find myself learning and growing and changing and creating.

The things of the past are fading away and at long last, and my dream of being whole is within my reach as I move forward facing the future with hope and anticipation.

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Tags: Bad Guys, break-ups, Bunny, creativity, depression, exodus, Growth, heartbreak, Hope, learning, loss, trauma

Life Is Sweet…

08Jul09

Hello all! I hope your Holiday weekends were all spectacular. From what I’ve heard – quite a few of you had experiences you won’t be able to tell your grandchildren. Yay debauchery!!! As for me – I had the ubiquitous 4th of July BBQ – Hamburgers, Hot Dogs – Red, White & Blue and all that, and a good time was had by all.

What else has happened this weekend? Umm – all the press coverage on MJ’s funeral – which I didn’t watch, Comedy Central’s Stand-Up Blow-Out Weekend – which I did watch (Craig Ferguson, Lewis Black, and Jim Gaffigan oh my!), Oh and – I think I joined a cult. But it’s ok, really – because I’m pretty sure that every Tween, Teen and Perez Hilton is in it too – so I think I’ll be alright.

That’s right folks – I have officially entered the Twilight zone. Yes, in a fit of boredom and thinking “c’mon – what’s the worst that could happen?” – I watched Twilight (dah dah duuum). Immediately afterwards – with bugged out addict eyes – I read all four books in 2 days. It gets waaay worse – in all the days since, I’ve been listening to the Rob Pattinson station that I created on Pandora hoping to hear Let Me Sign, Never Think, and Iron & Wine’s Flightless Bird. Oh well, I guess when I do something – I do it all the way.

Seriously though -the best (and most befuddling) part of my ridiculously spent weekend and all the days since – is that I’ve been having a blast! You see, I’ve been feeling creatively blocked for a while now (the reason for my lack of blogs recently). But since my obsession began, I’ve filled over 300 pages of filler paper with free-form stream of consciousness ramblings (They’re called Artist Pages and they basically clear my head of static so I can think clearly – 300 pages is a LOT of static!), and I’ve been writing again! Not to mention all the new music I’ve been introduced to as a result of practically main-lining Pandora.

So, when I realized how much fun I’ve been having – I began to wonder why? I mean – I’ve been known to have a good time. For instance, I truly enjoyed seeing Transformers 2 last weekend with my boys – but this was a completely different type of enjoyment. What the heck was going on? I wondered. At first, I assumed it was nothing more than a delayed reaction to being on Vacation. And that very well could be a part of it, I guess – but it felt like more than that. I mean, even after I’d watched the movie and read the books and there was no more Twilight to be had – the good feelings stayed. I was at home absolutely tickled with nothing more than a lifetime supply of lined paper and a pen or two. I didn’t spend a dime, yet I had more fun (and was more fun to be around) than I have in a long time.

You know that sensation when you first fall in love? That floaty rush that makes you feel practically bulletproof? The reason your friends want to slap you for being so gosh-darned happy and reminding them of how miserable they are? Well, that’s the same feeling I’ve been having since my obsession began.

Somehow – without meaning to or seeking to at all – I’d created my own penis-showing game (yes, I know, a Waiting… reference out of the blue can be shocking). And getting to have all the fabulous feelings of love with no possibility of heartbreak? I’m sold.

If you are too – And want to replicate these feelings in your own lives – give it a shot. Try watching, or reading, or doing something that you’d never do in a million years. If that doesn’t work, or you can’t think of anything – try to remember what you loved to do as a kid and go out and do it - and I sincerely hope the result of your efforts is slap-inducing happiness!

As for me, I’m gonna get back to Rob Pattinson FM, my notebook, and my fabulous floaty feelings…

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Tags: creativity, love, Twilight

Candle in the Wind…

28Jun09

I know I’m not breaking any news when I say that last week Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson all passed away. First off – I need to confess that I wasn’t personally a huge fan of any of them. In fact, I was much more touched by the deaths of Heath Ledger, LeRoi Moore (the Dave Matthews Band saxophonist), and Natasha Richardson. The work of all of these people touched my life in a way that mattered to me. As for McMahon, Fawcett and Jackson – after watching the coverage and being on Twitter when the news broke – it’s blatantly obvious that their lives and deaths meant a lot to a LOT of people, regardless of my personal feelings.

And while watching the incredible response online – it struck me that all three were somewhat troubled and on the downside of iconic careers. And, in that sense, I’m relieved that none of them are with us any longer. McMahon’s health and financial troubles were widely publicized his last few years and I’m happy that he no longer has to anguish over unpaid bills or live in poor health. Fawcett suffered a drawn out battle with cancer and I’m sure friends and family are just thankful she’s not in pain any longer. And as for Jackson – loosely paraphrasing George Clooney in From Dusk till Dawn – Hopefully he found the peace in death that he could not seem to find in life.

In the book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs*A Low-Culture Manifesto, Chuck Klosterman talks about how after the Oklahoma City bombing the names of all the victims names were listed in the paper along with a one sentence summation of their lives. Sadly, the same will be done with McMahon (Johnny Carson’s sidekick of 30 years), Fawcett (70’s Icon), and Michael Jackson (King of Pop).

I guess that’s how we process information – in short snippets, just the headlines. If you were to describe your friends today the chances are good that just a few traits or stats come to mind for each one. It seems crazy to me that an entire life could be described in a sentence or two. But really – isn’t that what we all do on our MySpace and Facebook pages? A few sentences, a few facts, likes and dislikes and somehow people garner a general outline or sense of who we are.

I guess what we can draw from the experience and loss of these three icons is to make what we do today count. Now, I’m not trying to be all Self-Help Guru here – I despise all the hokey songs and clichés that urge us to live each day as if it were our last. And, though I’m sure none of us want to die while seemingly past our peak – this isn’t about preparing for death – it’s about living our lives. If in the end, if  only one sentence will describe your life – what do you want it to include? How do you want to be remembered? And what do you need to do to get there?

Oh well,  just wanted to give you all something to think about while you’re dusting off your Thriller LP’s, TiVo-ing Charlie’s Angels reruns, and Googling Tonight Show clips…

Filed under: Entertainment, Personal   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: celebrities, death, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, George Clooney, Heath Ledger, Michael Jackson

She Works Hard for the Money…

24Jun09

In one of those rare instances that most of us only dream of – my bank owes me money. In fact, they’ve owed me money for some time now. And a few months ago I set about rectifying the situation. I called up the bank and a perky and seemingly competent Customer Service Rep gave me instructions on how to get my money back – which I’d followed to the letter. I’d filled out forms and faxed things here and there with utter confidence that doing so would get me what I wanted – How quaint and innocent I was all those weeks ago.

Today – after waiting the requisite 2 months – I called to get an update on my missing cash only to be told that I need to re-start the entire process. This was one of those situations where I’d done everything I’d been told to in order to achieve a certain result, and months after I’d thought all was well – Surprise! Now I have to do an entirely new set of things and wait another month or two.

As I was processing this shock – today’s Rep, Rick – asked me if everything was ok. I took a moment to pull myself together and then calmly explained all I’d done the last time I went through this. He responded with “Well that’s all well and good but the last person you spoke with was an idiot.”(I’m paraphrasing here) and then he outlined step by step what the real process is.

Now, as I’m taking notes and trying to concentrate on what he’s saying – A reel is playing in my head - “I don’t want to calm down! I want to feel bad! I want to feel victimized! I want them to be the bad guys and for me to be right! I want to be remunerated for my trouble!” But being a former Customer Service Rep myself, I have a rule to never take my anger out on people – especially when they’re not directly responsible.

However, Rick – being so amazing at his job – senses that I’m upset anyway. And, perhaps as a grateful gesture because I didn’t take my anger out on him, he takes a few moments out of his day to chat with me. We laugh and joke for a few minutes about the weather and he suggests I have a nice cup of tea and look off into the distance for a while. As I hang up I send him a silent blessing. He went above and beyond the call of duty and I thank him.

Now, before I begin on the list of things I need to do to resolve this situation once and for all – I’ve decided to take Rick’s advice, and it’s a perfect moment because all is calm here. A No Reservations I’ve never seen before plays in the background, and my boys are playing happily – quietly even – in the other room. And, since I’m fresh out of Green Tea – Sweet Tea will do. Now I’m off to find a view so I can look out into the distance for a while…

Filed under: Financial   |  1 Comment
Tags: bank errors, customer service, money

There Goes My Life…

21Jun09

In honor of Father’s Day, and because not one, but two of my sisters are knocked-up – I present a blog on parenting. Let me apologize in advance for my clumsy writing – I’ve had a week of no sleep and a six hour drive today and it is only by the power of Starbucks that I am sitting erect.

I find myself at least marginally qualified to write a blog on parenting seeing as I have two boys who have made it to the ages of 6 and 8 relatively unscathed – happy and healthy even. So, my first piece of totally unsolicited advice is this – Enjoy them while they’re babies.

I’ve heard people say that this time is the hardest and all I can say is – don’t listen to them. Your newborns won’t have the ability to crawl, walk or otherwise make their way around. And as much as you’d like your baby to be the most gifted child on the planet – enjoy the days before talking and mobility. There are far worse things than the sleep deprivation of having a new baby. And those things are: sleep deprivation plus chasing a curious and ‘how do they move that fast’ mobile toddler. As babies you can tend to them while sitting down, as opposed to chasing them about – or leaving the room for a moment only to return to find that the former contents of your bookshelves are now on the floor and the new contents are smiling up at you drooling with a proud look on their face (years later you will wonder how a 9 month old was able to move all those textbooks so quickly when you have trouble lifting them yourself).

And as excited as you are for your baby’s first words – remember that once they start – there’s no stopping them. Evidently I’m lucky for having boys because they are supposedly less verbal than girls – riiiiight. You see, it’s not just that they’ll talk to you – they’ll force you to talk back. Nods will not satisfy their need for answers or an audience. You will need to stay fully aware of your child’s explanation of whatever corners of their imaginations they inhabit that day, because these endless diatribes will be quickly followed by a Q&A session. Also, all of your responses will need to be in full sentences and, more often than not, repeated over and over and over and over again. And Fuggetaboutit when it comes to the questions – I look forward to the day when my boys can appreciate my sarcasm and wit and I am no longer considered Google in human form.

Another great thing about babies is that they’re great snugglers. They like nothing more than to be cuddled all day long. It’s in their top 5 list of favorite things to do – right up there with eating, sleeping, burping and pooping. And it doesn’t get much better than having your newborn fall asleep on your chest. Make the most of those peaceful moments. All of my inspiration comes in those peaceful moments – which explains why I haven’t written or done anything remotely creative for days.

Now, as they get older and begin to explore the world on their own – try to remember that your goal is not to have the best behaved or smartest child – but to create an environment in which said child will form as a person. Provide an atmosphere of growth in which they can thrive and become themselves – mistakes and all. Not getting in the way is one of the toughest lessons I’ve had to learn as a parent.

And finally – some advice you’ll most likely pay no heed to because you feel you know best and can somehow achieve what every parent in the history of the world has not – Try to remember that you can’t save your children from making bad decisions.

“But what’s the point of parenting if I can’t save them?” – you may ask. And to that I ask you to remember that they are not living your life – they are on their own path. In fact, all of your doom and gloom warnings about ‘The Wrong Path’ (insert spooky music here) may only serve to make it the one they choose. Your children are not ‘You 2.0’, and you can’t somehow make up for your failings with their successes. You can’t save them from heartbreak and pain – and they will eventually choose a path that you don’t condone. Yes, it will be painful to watch them struggle and fall, but you need to let them. Like the butterfly emerging from the chrysalis – the more they struggle to get out, the stronger they will become.

In closing – If any, or all, of this distresses you – try to remember that no matter what your vision for your children may be – the universe has something infinitely better in mind. So, go forth and enjoy parenthood! It’s been the single most life-changing force in my experience and I hope it is the same for you.

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Tags: children, parenting, unsolicited advice