Life Is Sweet…

08Jul09

Hello all! I hope your Holiday weekends were all spectacular. From what I’ve heard – quite a few of you had experiences you won’t be able to tell your grandchildren. Yay debauchery!!! As for me – I had the ubiquitous 4th of July BBQ – Hamburgers, Hot Dogs – Red, White & Blue and all that, and a good time was had by all.

What else has happened this weekend? Umm – all the press coverage on MJ’s funeral – which I didn’t watch, Comedy Central’s Stand-Up Blow-Out Weekend – which I did watch (Craig Ferguson, Lewis Black, and Jim Gaffigan oh my!), Oh and – I think I joined a cult. But it’s ok, really – because I’m pretty sure that every Tween, Teen and Perez Hilton is in it too – so I think I’ll be alright.

That’s right folks – I have officially entered the Twilight zone. Yes, in a fit of boredom and thinking “c’mon – what’s the worst that could happen?” – I watched Twilight (dah dah duuum). Immediately afterwards – with bugged out addict eyes – I read all four books in 2 days. It gets waaay worse – in all the days since, I’ve been listening to the Rob Pattinson station that I created on Pandora hoping to hear Let Me Sign, Never Think, and Iron & Wine’s Flightless Bird. Oh well, I guess when I do something – I do it all the way.

Seriously though -the best (and most befuddling) part of my ridiculously spent weekend and all the days since – is that I’ve been having a blast! You see, I’ve been feeling creatively blocked for a while now (the reason for my lack of blogs recently). But since my obsession began, I’ve filled over 300 pages of filler paper with free-form stream of consciousness ramblings (They’re called Artist Pages and they basically clear my head of static so I can think clearly – 300 pages is a LOT of static!), and I’ve been writing again! Not to mention all the new music I’ve been introduced to as a result of practically main-lining Pandora.

So, when I realized how much fun I’ve been having – I began to wonder why? I mean – I’ve been known to have a good time. For instance, I truly enjoyed seeing Transformers 2 last weekend with my boys – but this was a completely different type of enjoyment. What the heck was going on? I wondered. At first, I assumed it was nothing more than a delayed reaction to being on Vacation. And that very well could be a part of it, I guess – but it felt like more than that. I mean, even after I’d watched the movie and read the books and there was no more Twilight to be had – the good feelings stayed. I was at home absolutely tickled with nothing more than a lifetime supply of lined paper and a pen or two. I didn’t spend a dime, yet I had more fun (and was more fun to be around) than I have in a long time.

 

You know that sensation when you first fall in love? That floaty rush that makes you feel practically bulletproof? The reason your friends want to slap you for being so gosh-darned happy and reminding them of how miserable they are? Well, that’s the same feeling I’ve been having since my obsession began.

Somehow – without meaning to or seeking to at all – I’d created my own penis-showing game (yes, I know, a Waiting… reference out of the blue can be shocking). And getting to have all the fabulous feelings of love with no possibility of heartbreak? I’m sold.

If you are too – And want to replicate these feelings in your own lives – give it a shot. Try watching, or reading, or doing something that you’d never do in a million years. If that doesn’t work, or you can’t think of anything – try to remember what you loved to do as a kid and go out and do it – and I sincerely hope the result of your efforts is slap-inducing happiness!

As for me, I’m gonna get back to Rob Pattinson FM, my notebook, and my fabulous floaty feelings…

Filed under: Entertainment, Fun, Personal   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: creativity, love, Twilight

Candle in the Wind…

28Jun09

I know I’m not breaking any news when I say that last week Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson all passed away. First off – I need to confess that I wasn’t personally a huge fan of any of them. In fact, I was much more touched by the deaths of Heath Ledger, LeRoi Moore (the Dave Matthews Band saxophonist), and Natasha Richardson. The work of all of these people touched my life in a way that mattered to me. As for McMahon, Fawcett and Jackson – after watching the coverage and being on Twitter when the news broke – it’s blatantly obvious that their lives and deaths meant a lot to a LOT of people, regardless of my personal feelings.

And while watching the incredible response online – it struck me that all three were somewhat troubled and on the downside of iconic careers. And, in that sense, I’m relieved that none of them are with us any longer. McMahon’s health and financial troubles were widely publicized his last few years and I’m happy that he no longer has to anguish over unpaid bills or live in poor health. Fawcett suffered a drawn out battle with cancer and I’m sure friends and family are just thankful she’s not in pain any longer. And as for Jackson – loosely paraphrasing George Clooney in From Dusk till Dawn – Hopefully he found the peace in death that he could not seem to find in life.

In the book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs*A Low-Culture Manifesto, Chuck Klosterman talks about how after the Oklahoma City bombing the names of all the victims were listed in the paper along with a one sentence summation of their lives. Sadly, the same will be done with McMahon (Johnny Carson’s sidekick of 30 years), Fawcett (70’s Icon), and Michael Jackson (King of Pop).

I guess that’s how we process information – in short snippets, just the headlines. If you were to describe your friends today the chances are good that just a few traits or stats come to mind for each one. It seems crazy to me that an entire life could be described in a sentence or two. But really – isn’t that what we all do on our MySpace and Facebook pages? A few sentences, a few facts, likes and dislikes and somehow people garner a general outline or sense of who we are.

I guess what we can draw from the experience and loss of these three icons is to make what we do today count. Now, I’m not trying to be all Self-Help Guru here – I despise all the hokey songs and clichés that urge us to live each day as if it were our last. And, though I’m sure none of us want to die while seemingly past our peak – this isn’t about preparing for death – it’s about living our lives. If in the end, if  only one sentence will describe your life – what do you want it to include? How do you want to be remembered? And what do you need to do to get there?

Oh well,  just wanted to give you all something to think about while you’re dusting off your Thriller LP’s, TiVo-ing Charlie’s Angels reruns, and Googling Tonight Show clips…

Filed under: Entertainment, Personal   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: celebrities, death, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, George Clooney, Heath Ledger, Michael Jackson

She Works Hard for the Money…

24Jun09

In one of those rare instances that most of us only dream of – my bank owes me money. In fact, they’ve owed me money for some time now. And a few months ago I set about rectifying the situation. I called up the bank and a perky and seemingly competent Customer Service Rep gave me instructions on how to get my money back – which I’d followed to the letter. I’d filled out forms and faxed things here and there with utter confidence that doing so would get me what I wanted – How quaint and innocent I was all those weeks ago.

Today – after waiting the requisite 2 months – I called to get an update on my missing cash only to be told that I need to re-start the entire process. This was one of those situations where I’d done everything I’d been told to in order to achieve a certain result, and months after I’d thought all was well – Surprise! Now I have to do an entirely new set of things and wait another month or two.

As I was processing this shock – today’s Rep, Rick – asked me if everything was ok. I took a moment to pull myself together and then calmly explained all I’d done the last time I went through this. He responded with “Well that’s all well and good but the last person you spoke with was an idiot.”(I’m paraphrasing here) and then he outlined step by step what the real process is.

Now, as I’m taking notes and trying to concentrate on what he’s saying – A reel is playing in my head – “I don’t want to calm down! I want to feel bad! I want to feel victimized! I want them to be the bad guys and for me to be right! I want to be remunerated for my trouble!” But being a former Customer Service Rep myself, I have a rule to never take my anger out on people – especially when they’re not directly responsible.

However, Rick – being so amazing at his job – senses that I’m upset anyway. And, perhaps as a grateful gesture because I didn’t take my anger out on him, he takes a few moments out of his day to chat with me. We laugh and joke for a few minutes about the weather and he suggests I have a nice cup of tea and look off into the distance for a while. As I hang up I send him a silent blessing. He went above and beyond the call of duty and I thank him.

Now, before I begin on the list of things I need to do to resolve this situation once and for all – I’ve decided to take Rick’s advice, and it’s a perfect moment because all is calm here. A No Reservations I’ve never seen before plays in the background, and my boys are playing happily – quietly even – in the other room. And, since I’m fresh out of Green Tea – Sweet Tea will do. Now I’m off to find a view so I can look out into the distance for a while…

Filed under: Financial   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: bank errors, customer service, money

There Goes My Life…

21Jun09

In honor of Father’s Day, and because not one, but two of my sisters are knocked-up – I present a blog on parenting. Let me apologize in advance for my clumsy writing – I’ve had a week of no sleep and a six hour drive today and it is only by the power of Starbucks that I am sitting erect.

I find myself at least marginally qualified to write a blog on parenting seeing as I have two boys who have made it to the ages of 6 and 8 relatively unscathed – happy and healthy even. So, my first piece of totally unsolicited advice is this – Enjoy them while they’re babies.

I’ve heard people say that this time is the hardest and all I can say is – don’t listen to them. Your newborns won’t have the ability to crawl, walk or otherwise make their way around. And as much as you’d like your baby to be the most gifted child on the planet – enjoy the days before talking and mobility. There are far worse things than the sleep depravation of having a new baby. And those things are: sleep depravation plus chasing a curious and ‘how do they move that fast’ mobile toddler. As babies you can tend to them while sitting down, as opposed to chasing them about – or leaving the room for a moment only to return to find that the former contents of your bookshelves are now on the floor and the new contents are smiling up at you drooling with a proud look on their face (years later you will wonder how a 9 month old was able to move all those textbooks so quickly when you have trouble lifting them yourself).

And as excited as you are for your baby’s first words – remember that once they start – there’s no stopping them. Evidently I’m lucky for having boys because they are supposedly less verbal than girls – riiiiight. You see, it’s not just that they’ll talk to you – they’ll force you to talk back. Nods will not satisfy their need for answers or an audience. You will need to stay fully aware of your child’s explanation of whatever corners of their imaginations they inhabit that day, because these endless diatribes will be quickly followed by a Q&A session. Also, all of your responses will need to be in full sentences and, more often than not, repeated over and over and over and over again. And Fuggetaboutit when it comes to the questions – I look forward to the day when my boys can appreciate my sarcasm and wit and I am no longer considered Google in human form.

Another great thing about babies is that they’re great snugglers. They like nothing more than to be cuddled all day long. It’s in their top 5 list of favorite things to do – right up there with eating, sleeping, burping and pooping. And it doesn’t get much better than having your newborn fall asleep on your chest. Make the most of those peaceful moments. All of my inspiration comes in those peaceful moments – which explains why I haven’t written or done anything remotely creative for days.

Now, as they get older and begin to explore the world on their own – try to remember that your goal is not to have the best behaved or smartest child – but to create an environment in which said child will form as a person. Provide an atmosphere of growth in which they can thrive and become themselves – mistakes and all. Not getting in the way is one of the toughest lessons I’ve had to learn as a parent.

And finally – some advice you’ll most likely pay no heed to because you feel you know best and can somehow achieve what every parent in the history of the world has not – Try to remember that you can’t save your children from making bad decisions.

“But what’s the point of parenting if I can’t save them?” – you may ask. And to that I ask you to remember that they are not living your life – they are on their own path. In fact, all of your doom and gloom warnings about ‘The Wrong Path’ (insert spooky music here) may only serve to make it the one they choose. Your children are not ‘You 2.0’, and you can’t somehow make up for your failings with their successes. You can’t save them from heartbreak and pain – and they will eventually choose a path that you don’t condone. Yes, it will be painful to watch them struggle and fall, but you need to let them. Like the butterfly emerging from the chrysalis – the more they struggle to get out, the stronger they will become.

In closing – If any, or all, of this distresses you – try to remember that no matter what your vision for your children may be – the universe has something infinitely better in mind. So, go forth and enjoy parenthood! It’s been the single most life-changing force in my experience and I hope it is the same for you.

Filed under: Personal   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: children, parenting, unsolicited advice

When I Grow Up…

18Jun09

If you were to ask me “Who do you want to be when you grow up?” My answer would be – a cross between Larry David and Anthony Bourdain – but cuter, of course. It’s a relatively odd answer, so let me explain:

I deeply admire both Larry David and Anthony Bourdain. As far as I’m concerned, Larry David was the hand up Seinfeld’s ass, and anyone who has the chutzpah to call out the entire restaurant industry is unassailably cool in my book. Now – I’m not saying I want to be a world famous chef or write and star in my own show. What I like about both of them is that they’ve become successful on their own terms.

Whether he’s sampling Ayahuasca in a Peruvian jungle or eating Warthog anus in Namibia (And he still holds to his statement that the most disgusting thing he’s ever eaten was the McNugget) – everyone knows not to fuck with Tony. Even his own production team quips “When Tony’s happy, everybody’s happy.” They’ve even created an alter-ego for him, “Vic” for when he’s a bit punchy or just downright irascible. And yet, even with his reputation for speaking his mind and occasionally being a little bitchy – he’s one of the most respected voices in the food industry – and he’s never even had his own restaurant! Larry David is the same in that he is completely non-relatable to most of the population (this is why he wasn’t the face of Seinfeld) – yet the show he created (well “co-created” – allegedly) is widely considered the best Sitcom of all time. Curb Your Enthusiasm is even better, in my humble estimation, because it’s Larry let loose – he gets to go to all the places that network TV only ever let him allude to (‘The Contest’ Hellooo!). It’s a window into his mind and the picture may not be pretty – but it is awesome!

Both of these men were able to carve out niches while side-stepping what is normally expected of folks in their respective industries. Look at Gordon Ramsay – with all his Michelin stars and excessive swearing – he never comes off as more that a caricature of the worst of himself. Bourdain, on the other hand describes himself in the opening of No Reservations – “I write, I travel, I eat, and I’m hungry for more.” He is not defined by his role as a chef but is more focused on what he does and enjoys – like something he’s doing for fun as opposed to a job, he’s an adventurer for a living. I doubt there’s anything on the planet I like doing that much. I don’t know that I’ve ever had that defining moment “This is what I am going to do” or “this is the seed of who I’m going to become.” There has never been a specific path set out before me – no neon signs pointing the way. But these guys seem to have figured it out and forged their own paths.

Larry David is described as ‘semi-retired’ in the summary of Curb Your Enthusiasm. And you could almost apply that term to both of them – I am in no way lessening the work they do (eating the nether parts of various animals and making nice with tribal warriors is no picnic, I’m sure) I’m just saying that to me it feels like these guys wake up and a film crew catches them going through their day. I feel they’d be doing what they do even if there were no cameras.

There’s no question that Larry David is as much of an asshole off camera as he is on (you can’t fake that level of depravity) – the same can be said for Tony. And I like that about both of them – the inability to bullshit. It adds up to “Fuck You Money”* if you ask me. I hope that in the very near future I’ll finally figure out what it is exactly that I can do that no one else can – but until then I have some pretty incredible examples showing me how it’s done.

 * Not actual money, but the ability to not ‘go along just to get along’ Example – “Mike Judge has ‘Fuck you’ money,” says actor Ron Livingston of his Office Space director … “When they say, ‘You have to change that,’ he has the ability to say, ‘Fuck you.’” (Blender Magazine, Who’s the Boss? by Clark Collis)

Filed under: Career, Entertainment   |  Leave a Comment
Tags: Anthony Bourdain, celebrities, chutzpah, Larry David

On The Road Again…

18Jun09

While I was on the phone with my baby sister the other day, I mentioned that the home I’d dreamt of living in as a little girl was for sale. She laughed and joked that I should become a Realtor with my knowledge of the housing market. I could see where she’s coming from – I do check Realtor.com more often than I’ve ever checked MySpace or Twitter.

But our conversation got me thinking – why do I care so much about Real Estate? I really do too – it’s a fixation of mine – I’m nearly OCD about it. Whether in Boston or Los Angeles – I can point you to some great deals. Yet, I’m not currently in the market for a new home. I mean, I guess it’s a better use of time than online poker or something (I can’t play poker and the last guys who tried to teach me are now broken shells of men – I was just using it as an example) – but I’m not sure exactly why I care so much.

Growing up we moved fairly often – New York, Massachusetts, a few places in New Hampshire. But even when we were finally settled somewhere – it always felt as if we were moving. We were always changing churches (and therefore social groups) and threatened with the possibility of a move being just around the corner – ready to strike at any moment. To say that’s an unsettling state for a child to endure is an understatement.

This attitude continued in my life even after I graduated High School and was out on my own. I moved to Nashua and then to Boston. Then with my ex from Boston to New Hampshire, then Texas, Colorado and then I came back to NH for a few years and now I’m back in Colorado. It’s like I’ve used America as my own personal Pinball Machine.

In fact, I’ve moved so much that my poor Grandmother writes my new addresses in pencil in her address book. If she didn’t, she’d have to dedicate a page or two for me alone. I’m not sure what my problem is – both of my parents have lived in their homes for 10+ years – my father’s had his for as long as I’ve been alive, so it’s not like I didn’t have a good example. I honestly think that it’s just that I’ve always had the lingering feeling that I hadn’t found ‘it’ yet – that one place where I’ll finally connect with my Tribe (whoever they may be) and live happily ever after.

In my heart, I’ve always seen moving as a failure – an inability to establish roots. And in my quest to find a place that feels like home I’ve experienced quite a few disastrous situations and truly wrong fits, but I now feel I’m at the point where I want to be settled for good. I want my two boys to be able to graduate High School with the same kids they’re in Elementary school with. And I definitely want them to experience the stability that has eluded me for most of my life.

I don’t know what the future holds – perhaps here is where I’ll settle for good. It’s nice here – my gas station attendant and I exchange witty banter every week and my boys more often than not know at least one other kid when we’re at the playground. I even find that I’m recognized in the grocery store, and I’m practically on a first-name basis with everyone at my boys’ school. It certainly feels like at least the beginnings of belonging. And though I’m not entirely sure I’ve found the place I’m meant to end up – my Valhalla – at least for now, I’ve found a place I can breathe.

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Tags: dreams, goals, hopes